


Photomemoar

by onicchi13



Category: Chaos Walking - Patrick Ness
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 20:34:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20413900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onicchi13/pseuds/onicchi13
Summary: It was the day when Todd Hewitt and Viola Eade almost reach the Haven. They talk about Todd's Ma diary but there's one thing that will never gone besides words on paper. And Viola knows it best. (Set from the first book : The Knife of Letting Go)





	Photomemoar

**Author's Note:**

  * For [honeyf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyf/gifts).

> I’ve just finished reading the chaos walking trilogy and this idea popped in my head like a balloon. I haven’t asked somebody else to help me proofread it and English is not my mother tongue so yeah this’s it. Pardon for my bad English. And also, I’m huge fan of thorxloki from Marvel Cinematic Universe so I just want to imagine Ben looks like Tom Hiddleston while Cillian looks like Ragnarok verse of Thor. So, enjoy it. Please bear with me since it’s my first fic in full English that I post in ao3. Thank you and enjoy!  
Credit to my very best friend @honeyflys (twitter) for adding the beautiful fanart for this story. Love you 3000, dear!

***

She read the final words from the boy’s Ma diary with heavy breathe. Waiting for the boy to respond patiently. However, probably only the sound of wind’s breeze and eagle’s cry could be the boy’s voice. Ever since she met this always-grumpy boy, he reminds her the harshness of true nature, the smell of fresh water, sandalwoods, and leaves. There’s also slight animalistic feature he’s given from birth. From the way his Ma writes the diary, she knows whoever once settle on this land must face the difficulties of being outsiders. And, it’s undoubtedly.

Viola watches the boy who sits across her sniffing. _He’s still a boy, _she murmurs quietly. It’s funny since he insists he’ll soon become thirteen but she knows better how this planet rotates differently from her Old World. He’s definetely going to be fourteen. But, none of it matters anymore.

“I only have Cillian and Ben for as long as I remember. _We _never know how _mothers_ supposedly raise their children but I think Ben is enough.” He finally opens his mouth, still hides the sobbing beneath his sullen face. His fingers play with the bricks to cover the trembling behind his throat. He’s sniffing again.

‘_I miss Ben. Miss him so effing much.’_

Viola could hear the words echoing through her own brain. Purely a boy’s cry.

‘_Cillian... Ben...’_

Losing parents at once are absolute misfortune. Yesterday, they’re both still a brat. No give any care with their surroundings. And today world forces them to look more closely. To make them able to walk and run by their own feet, bleed to death, and fight to live. Now, they only have and depend to each other. To find the answers among these fabrications. Todd Hewitt and Viola Eade.

She bows her head and tugs the sleeve on her coat when the whirlwind swoosh her. Between the talks and sentiment she feels from the Todd, she also tastes salt and acid. Probably from her own tears and stomach. They just eat the last bread and bacon almost ten hours ago and go for another walk is the best option they have now. Plus, the smell of waterfalls beyond the hill is getting stronger. But, she can wait. She strokes the frontpage of Todd’s mother diary and the curiousity pushes her to open it more.

“Todd.”

“What?”

“You mind if I... if I see it once more time?”

At first, he hesitates. But, he doesn’t mind afterward.

“How—are Cillian and Ben look like?”

He frowns. “I thought you’ve already seen it from my head.”

“Sometimes words could give better description.” _And it might throw away your sorrow for awhile._

He doesn’t start to speak initially. Rather, he looks at the sky and hugs his legs closely. Viola could catch the dimness of memories from Todd’s head. He imagines their wooden house at first, then move to the farm with their sheeps. They also have big generator to power the harvesting machines. They don’t have close neighbors and prefer to stay out from citizens. The woods enclose their house just like the green blanket. Oh, there’s Manchee too. His very loyal dog. It pierces Viola’s heart even more.

“Ben is so strange and sometimes I can’t _effing _understand him. But, Cillian is different.” Todd starts with small prologue. “If you ever read somebody else’s Noise in color, Ben is gentle like green or blue while Cillian is as strong as red. Not like angry red, just a strong red. Ben taught me most of everything and he knows how to deal with my annoying attitude. Cillian, in other hand, scolds me most of time. He thinks I’m just a troublesome kid. I hate it when he gives me Manchee—“

Todd stops and makes a coccoon of himself. Guilt emerges from his figure. “—now I lost both of ‘em. I lost ‘em.”

‘_It’s not your fault, Todd.’ _Whispered Viola. But, any words from her mind won’t reach Todd’s head.

“I know not everybody in Prentisstown understand _us. _I’m much _effing _no care with their stupid snickers toward me or Ben and Cillian. School itself is too troublesome for me and those kids keep saying those meanie words. I punched ‘em so hard ‘till my knuckles _effing _painful. What’s wrong to have two _dads? _My anger stays like fire in me and Ben decides it’d be better if I won’t continue my school in town anymore. Problem solved. It’s just—I know I let him down. Even after that, Cillian’s furious is tripled like hell.”

Anyone who listens to Todd’s speech may give them concerned _expresshun_. Viola, otherwise, smiles with full amusement. Her new calloused fingers still on the diary. Unfolding each paper full of writings and sometimes small doodles. She never leave and pay attention in each words spoken from the boy’s mouth. Words and storytell are always her favorite and it reminds her of a father she no longer has now. She’s lullabied with joyful of adventure stories although none of it makes sense to her. She’s to skeptical in almost everything but there’s time she just wants to escape from this reality. And it’s not wrong. Never be.

Todd reaches a story of when he can’t find Cillian or Ben in their house. And Viola stops unfolding right at the middle. The wind swoosh again and a light piece of card falls off.

A photograph.

Seemingly taken not quite long ago.

Viola lost in thought for about two or three seconds. Todd’s voice or rather the sound from his head still buzzes coherently but she can’t hear it. As if the radio lost its channel due to bad signal. 

It all makes sense when those meanie kids shouts bad words about Todd, Ben or Cillian. It all makes sense when the citizens of Prentisstown see them as some kind of disease. This world, no matter which world they are, still _toxic_. For as long the humans treat other human beings like dirt.

Ben and Cillian love each other and the smiles that painted on their face is the only proof. And, people hate it. But, Todd Hewitt doesn’t deserve it. He deserves for the love equally. Those people... whoever they are, chase this boy for nothing. Because they’re afraid. Scared of things that could change them completely. It makes Viola remembers her old self. Back then before their spacepod burnt and destroyed. She feels ashamed of herself.

_We always think other people are much worse than ours while they just try so hard to live. Or to preserve a life. And they both do it for Todd. For the innocent human baby._

What is a _parent? _This question lingers inside Viola’s head between every Noise she hears. _If Noise is a color, perhaps I see purple inside your head, Todd. _She puts the photograph back. In time, she will get the answer of the ask. And one day, Todd will witness it for himself the happiness of him and his _parents _that locked on to a piece of paper. She closes the book and gives it back to Todd.

“—Cillian also hates if I come back with my pants completely in mud. As if he’s the one who’s gonna wash ‘em. _How am I supposed to collect the apples without climbing to its tree,_ I argued. _And I fell_! Obviously. But, he doesn’t listen. Just keeps _effing _shouting at me.”

“Here.”

There’s an exact confuse on Todd’s face.

“Keep the rest for yourself, Todd. Don’t let _them _read it for you.”

He purses his lips tightly. Taking back the book from Viola’s hand. He sighs. “You don’t listen to my _effing _rumbles, do you?”

“I do, Todd.”

“_Nah, _you lied.”

Viola smiles sheepishly. “I think I might know where Ben and Cillian _were _when you said you couldn’t find them.”

Todd’s eyebrows arise in surprise.

“There are times when they both _ask _for privacy, Todd. But trust me, they don’t mean bad.”

“So you think I’m not grown up enough to _effing _understand what they did?”

The girl in front of him laughs. Grinning. “There’ll be _time _when you finally know everything. But for now, you just have to remember that Ben and Cillian love you so much. Rise you to be like this. To be... _different_.” _When everybody fights so hard to be all the same. _

The look at each other to read inside of head of theirs. Todd gives up and stands up. Cleans up his pants from the mud and dirt. Viola follows his steps after.

“Let’s go. It’s better to reach the Haven before dawn.” He said nonchalantly and gets no complain from Viola.

They walk again. Again and never stop. Beyond the chaos.

*******

Viola still memorize how ugly Todd’s _expresshun _when the big muscly man squishes his cheeks. It makes her giggling everytime she sees Todd’s face. But, she knows it’s a part of mystery of Todd Hewitt himself. One day, she believes, this boy will show his other _expresshun _rather than the grumpiness. He looks happy. Ben, she assumes it’s the thin man at Todd’s left side. He is indeed full of calmness. Like ocean, once her father tells her about the watery big pond our Old World used to have. His gaze is as deep as the secrets he hides for himself. But, so much love in it. Love for Todd and for his one of particular (Cillian).

Todd almost forgets how he hates his face taken to camera. It’s an old model of polaroid. Probably the one Ben or Cillian gets before they march to find new settlement in Prentisstown. He never understand why it’s a necessity since they have Noise instead. Whatever those man think of, other will see so. So, the memory may still live in other’s. Ben thinks the opposite way.

_May keep it under bed. To look at my boy and Cillian’s face. Anytime.’_

_'You see my face. Everyday.’ _It’s Cillian.

‘_Old. Can’t remember.’_

_'_ _Old. Together. Always love Ben.’_

Manchee runs crazily and it annoys Todd. He chases the clumsy dog and leaving the adults with their camera.

‘_One more time?’_

_‘Okay.’_

There’re two photographs back then. The three of them and just Ben with Cillian. A sneaky Cillian gives a peck on Ben’s cheek.

But, it's burried together with Cillian’s body when Davy Jr attacks their house and burns the house. The _one _that only reminds in Ben and Cillian’s memory.

**The End**


End file.
